I've been sitting on these words for months, folding and unfolding them in my head, waiting for the right time to reveal them.
2016 has been a year of goodbyes. I said goodbye to my job of the past 5.5 years, and by extension, goodbye to San Francisco, a city for whom my love is well-documented. I said goodbye to Penny, my sister's beloved 12-year old dog who left us suddenly and unexpectedly, almost without warning. And I said goodbye to my 9-year relationship, one that I'll always think of warmly, filled with laughter and love and mutual respect.
A lot has changed.
I'm currently in the midst of a 3-month funemployment stint, and I've spent the last week both thrilled and terrified at the now seemingly endless amount of time at my fingertips. Suddenly the "more time" I've been craving for years is here, now, stretched out before me, waiting to be filled. After spending the last several years chugging away like the workaholic that I am, it's almost intimidating to be faced with nothing but responsibility to myself.
So I've been going to yoga, I've been writing, I've been reading, I've been cooking, I've been checking things off my life to-do list that I'd been ignoring for years, activities I had previously shelved for more immediate matters. And there's still so much more I look forward to doing over the next few months - finishing this website, figuring out how to use my camera, getting into the fittest shape of my fucking life, etc.
A few of my friends have asked if I'm planning on traveling during this period. While I do plan on going on some local trips during my break, mostly I'm looking forward to not having to get on another airplane for an indeterminate period of time - no more boarding passes, no more airports, no more pre-planned outfits packed into my suitcase, no more life lived in transit. I'm looking forward to growing roots into this city, pulling this LA life over me like a blanket and really settling in.
I've learned that you must make yourself vulnerable in order for new doors to open themselves to you, and when they do, you must be brave enough to walk through them. I'm grateful to have lived the life that I have, because even in my darkest moments, I've been guided by a sense that at the end of the day, whatever happens, I will be ok.
I don't know what other surprises lie around the corner, but when I meet them I will greet them warmly, and welcome them to this new life.