Ever since my relationship status changed on Facebook, all these fucking dudes that used to be interested in me (but in a really creepy and invasive way) have been coming out of the fucking woodwork. Dudes that I haven’t even spoken to in 2+ years, suddenly popping up on Facebook chat as if they ever really gave a shit about me. 

These conversations always follow the same formula too. It’s always, “Hey stranger,” *small talk small talk, pretend to give a shit about what I’ve been up to the last two years, small talk small talk* AND THEN, “Well hey, I’d love to grab a drink/hang out/connect with you again sometime…”

The fuck.

Listen buddy, I didn’t want to sleep with you 2 years ago and I sure as hell don’t want to sleep with you now. I’m newly single, not newly desperate and mentally handicapped.