When I got into Berkeley, much to the surprise of my peers and college counselor, I gave all the credit to my personal statements. I assumed my SAT scores and paltry extracurriculars were too unremarkable to warrant admission.
When I got my first agency job at LEWIS Pulse, I chalked it up to luck. That I was at the right place at the right time when a college acquaintance offered to refer me to this new company she’d just started working at.
And when I rose quickly at LEWIS, I attributed all of my promotions to the kindness of my managers and good timing, as I rode a wave of rapid growth within the agency.
These are just examples of all the ways I’ve undercut my own achievements.
I used to identify as “lazy,” because I love taking naps and playing puzzle games on my phone. It wasn’t until my therapist asked me point blank during a session, “Why do you think you’re lazy? With everything you do, do you not deserve to rest sometimes?” I felt the foundation of my entire identity shift. It had never occurred to me that what I considered to be bad habits were actually a form of rest.
Since then, I’ve been on a journey of reframing. How many times has my internal monologue been at odds with how others perceive me? How often have I given my power away, attributing the positive events and success in my life to luck, karmic retribution, or the perhaps undeserved generosity of others? I’m going through a similar moment of reframing now, spurred by my most recent promotion to EVP.
I’ll admit - my new title feels big, almost too big. Like an oversized sweater hanging heavy on my small frame. But if I think back to my previous positions, all of my titles have felt bigger than I was comfortable with. I just faked my way through all of them.
The higher I rise and the more visible I become as a leader, the less interested I am in “faking it ‘til I make it.” I think it does a disservice to the younger generation of aspiring leaders, those who might also be struggling with imposter syndrome, to pretend I have my shit together. So allow me to be real for a second -
I have almost never felt 100% confident stepping into any role that’s come my way. Like many others, I used to hide my college graduation year because I feared my age would undermine my seniority. I’ve also had my ass handed to me a few times - by executives and by clients. Each time was scary and deeply uncomfortable, but I ultimately used each experience to learn from my mistakes and get better.
What I’m good at is saying yes - to new opportunities, new challenges, and new experiences. And I’m good at giving a shit about things outside of me - I expend a lot of energy just trying to be a better human, and it’s a philosophy that’s served me well both personally and professionally. This is where my power lies, the power I’ve been so quick to give away in the past.
I’m very grateful and humbled that leadership at my company deemed me fit for this new role. And while yes, I’m still a little uncomfortable about it, I’m using this as an opportunity to fully step into my power, wholly and unapologetically.
