Preface: I filled out most of my New Yearās survey mid-December, while Liam was still in Dublin for work. But Iāve been delayed in finishing/publishing this post because some big fucking life shit happened on New Yearās Eve - WE GOT ENGAGED! Which is significant, not only because New Yearās is my favorite fucking holiday, but also because it happened exactly 2 years to the day when Liam told me he loved me for the first time.
And because this happened just a few hours before it was officially 2021, it didnāt feel right to not make mention of it in my 2020 survey, since it was truly the capstone moment of the year. So Iām keeping my original answers, but have added some post-engagement commentary in italics.
Iāll dedicate an entire post to our engagement experience and how the ring came into existence soon, as the story is riddled with sweet coincidences and accidents. But until then, hereās a recap of 2020!
Ah, my annual New Yearās survey, one of my favorite rituals. This is my 17th year! And as of this year I have officially been doing this more than half of my life. Fucking wild.
Iām going to preface this yearās survey by saying that in general, 2020 was not a bad year for me, and I waiver back forth between feeling guilty about it while also wanting to honor the mental and emotional work that it took to not let it be a bad year.
Donāt get me wrong - some bad shit happened. One of my close friends died unexpectedly in February. I suffered the worst injury Iāve ever had when I dislocated my shoulder while poling. And I, just like everyone else in the world, felt the weight of quarantine and experienced some emotional low points throughout the year.
But some great stuff also happened, and Iām happy to have reached a point in my mental health journey where I now have the tools to consciously tune into happiness. To find the silver lining, and to have the strength and presence of mind to focus on whatās good in the world rather than whatās shitty. Because if youāre looking for evidence that the world is shitty, there will be no shortage of things to prove you right. But there is hope to be found within communities and individual people who strive everyday to create a better world, and choosing to reframe my worldview in this way has been very inspiring.
Anyways, letās get into it!
Past years for reference:
2019
2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
1. What did you do in 2020 that youād never done before?
I went to Tulum, Mexico and jumped off a cliff into a cenote (this was right before quarantine - RIP travel). I lived through a global pandemic and social justice movement. I got creative with dates with Liam, and stayed in an airstream in Ojai one weekend in quarantine, and built a fort in our living room for another. I got a speeding ticket and had to do traffic school. I held a handstand for 20 seconds!! And also dislocated my shoulder while poling and had to lay off pole and yoga for a couple of months (I popped my shoulder back in by myself, which Iām pretty proud of). I hosted a fundraiser for a political candidate. I got into workout supplements and became more diligent about workout recovery, an unintended benefit of dislocating my shoulder. I started freezing bread (game changer), and perhaps most importantly, I WAS SUCCESSFUL IN ACHIEVING TWO MAJOR GOALS - KEEPING A BUDGET AND MAINTAINING A DAILY MEDITATION PRACTICE! š„³I *ALMOST* made it to 100 consecutive days of meditation but missed a day right before hitting it. Oh well, maybe next year.
AND OH PS. I GOT ENGAGED!!! And experienced new, uncharted levels of happiness. š„°
2. Did you keep your New Yearās resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My 2020 goals:
Maintain a regular meditation practice: MOTHER. FUCKING. DID. š Seriously though, I use Insight Timer and try to meditate at least 10 minutes/day, and Iāve noticed during quarantine that meditation has the most significant effect on my mental health and happiness - I think more clearly, Iām able to recognize what I can and canāt control more quickly, and therefore have been able to more quickly let go of the shit I canāt. I strongly recommend everyone build up a meditation practice - our minds are muscles and need just as much exercise as the rest of our bodies.
Explore side hustle opportunities: Did! While I didnāt actually launch anything, I spent a lot of this year thinking about what I want the next chapter of my life to look like after the corporate world, and I think Iāve gotten closer to figuring that out.
Live within a budget: MOTHER. FUCKING. DID. ššš For the past 6 months! Honestly, this is a huge fucking feat, considering I have literally never done this in the time Iāve worked a full-time job with a salary, which is basically the past 10 years. Ya girlās trying to get a house and shit.
Consume more responsibly: Did did did! And wow, did I do this. After the BLM protests I thought a lot about whether my purchasing decisions lined up with my values and ended up making a lot of changes as a result. I try not to shop at Amazon or Whole Foods anymore unless absolutely necessary, and Liam and I now do our grocery shopping almost exclusively at the Hollywood Farmerās Market. I drank far far less this year (Liam and I were actually sober the first 4 months of this year), and I try to only consume ethically raised or sourced meat and fish now, which is more delicious anyway, and has allowed me to form relationships with local purveyors. Iāve also started trying to shop small or local as much as possible. Iāve said this before, but I recognize that Iām only able to do a lot of this because of my privilege. Might as well put it to positive use while I have it.
My 2021 goals:
Get a house! Liam and I have officially kicked off house hunting and itās surreal to think that itās very likely that weāll have a place before the end of the year. Adulting! So much fun!
Read at least 5 nonfiction/self-help books: This is a pretty pathetic, small goal but Iāve read so little in the past few years, I want to make this achievable and realistic - and hey, if I surpass it early on I can always adjust. Recently Iāve been very taken with the idea that itās part of human nature to seek out the secrets to happiness and success, and instead of trying to figure it out on my own, I want to piggyback on the knowledge that already exists. I mean, I met Liam pretty much immediately after reading Matthew Husseyās book and putting his advice into action, so imagine how powerful I could be with just a little more help (kind of jk). Seeking out self-help books also reminds me a little of Ali Wongās joke, but hey, this is 30.
Attend BECI. So re: my post-corporate life, Iāve been thinking a lot about getting into executive coaching - because at the end of the day what I love most about my job is leading teams and making the corporate world a tolerable place for the people I work with. Iāve had a few signs pointing me to the Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute, and Iād like to make the time and money to attend at some point this year. Which leads me toā¦
Invest in myself more for the long-term / save more than I spend. You guys, Iām really good at spending money. I love it, and itās brought me a lot of short-term satisfaction over the years. But like, between a house and a wedding and BECI - I have big shit to save for that are investments in my future wealth and happiness, and I want to make a conscious decision this year to invest in my future self.
Get back into shape. Lockdown didnāt do my body any favors, and I want to look STUPID hot for our future wedding/celebration/whatever Liam and I decide to do. Like, STUPID, UNNECESSARY, OUTRAGEOUS HOT. This also translates into making pretty big commitments and investments in myself - committing to less sugar, less alcohol, less many, many things that I love to consume and making a conscious effort to manage my diet. Weāll see how successful I am with this, because a bitch loves her sugar.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES, MELISSA TO HOPE! I have never met a chiller baby in my life, one that actually made me consider having my own baby, good job Melissa.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, Michael. I still miss and think about him all the time, and perhaps always will.
5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico! And lol, thatās it, for obvious reasons.
6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
A mother fucking house. š”
7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 16, the day that Michael died.
While the day I found out Michael died will always remain etched on my memory, Iām glad to also have December 31, the night we got engaged, as a happy memory from this year. It was just such a beautiful, emotionally profound night - one that Iāll cherish forever.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Iām actually really proud of myself. While I had some big work wins this year (getting promoted to Senior Vice President, being appointed the DEI Steward of the Western Region), I actually think maintaining a meditation practice, staying within budget, and managing to find happiness within such a tumultuous time are my proudest achievements of this year.
Getting engaged to the hottest snack Iāve ever dated was also a crowning achievement. š
9. What was your biggest failure?
Ugh, falling back into the pre-diabetic zone. I gained a fair bit of weight during quarantine because for a period of time I was worried that my favorite boba shops would permanently close and definitely went overboard. Thankfully, dislocating my shoulder turned out to be a bit of a silver lining, because it forced me to do more cardio and Iāve slowly but surely been able to lose some of it (though Iām still not as skinny or fit as I was last year - baby steps).
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yep, my dislocated shoulder. I also had a very weird sore throat all of January that was resistant to medicine and that I suspect could have been COVID, but honestly, who knows.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My pole!!! I got that shit literally THE DAY quarantine went into effect in LA, and Iām so so happy I did. That shit kept me sane for a good chunk of the year.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone who made the most of this year. Yeah, it was shitty, but Iāve also been really impressed and inspired by everyone who used this time as a period of reflection and reinvention.
Also Liam, for completely surprising me on my favorite holiday with a proposal. Like damn, HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
God, where to even begin. If I had to pick, I think it would be all of the power hungry sociopaths and narcissists who spread conspiracy theories and disinformation to prey on peopleās fears for their own personal gain.
14. Where did most of your money go?
My savings! I KNOW, WILD.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My promotion!
ā¦and trying on engagement rings. š
AND GETTING ENGAGED!!! Itās funny, I originally thought about deleting my second answer here about trying on rings, because I thought Liam might not want me to reveal that weāve talked about rings. Little did I knowā¦
16. What song will always remind you of 2020?
Bob Mosesā Falling Into Focus live set or RĆFĆS DU SOLās Live from Joshua Tree set. Can more bands please create live concert films to tide me over the rest of quarantine? boerd feat. Stella Explorer - Before We Drown was also one of my favorite songs this year.
Bob Moses - Enough to Believe has a new significance to us following our engagement, and it will now always remind me of this year. š
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Probably about the same. Happiness takes a lot of work, but itās well worth the effort.
Jk, Iām happier. A million times happier.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Oh for sure fatter. But Iām making progress towards getting to where I was last year!
iii. richer or poorer?
Richer.
18. What do you wish youād done more of?
You know, Iām tempted to say travel, but Iāve traveled so consistently over the past 10 years, it was actually kind of nice to just stay put this year. I do wish Iād read more though. And wrote more.
19. What do you wish youād done less of?
Reading the news and scrolling through social media. That was really the first half of the year though and I eventually made the active choice to stop at some point in the summer. What a world of difference thatās also done for my happiness.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my immediate family and Liam in the āburbs. Iām very grateful that my family lives close by and that weāre all on the same page as far as COVID safety precautions and our risk tolerance levels.
22. Did you fall in love in 2020?
Stayed in love, and deepened it. I am constantly grateful for Liam. š
I have to admit, getting engaged has unlocked an unreal level of love that I didnāt even know existed. Itās nice.
23. How many one night stands?
None! PS. I may never have an answer for this ever again?!
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I *LOVED* The Good Place and think it should be mandatory for all humans to watch, it is so smart and funny and wonderful. It was a perfect show from beginning to end, an accolade only shared with Breaking Bad IMO. Highly highly recommend. I also really loved Schittās Creek, Normal People and Cheer. And We Are the Champions, but that might just be because Liam worked on that show. š
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didnāt hate this time last year?
Aināt nobody got time for that kind of negative energy.
26. What was the best book you read?
Homebody by Rupi Kaur, which wins by default as it was the only book I read this year. I spent most of this year catching up on my old journals rather than reading real books, though the journal I kept in 2006 was pretty entertaining.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lol, remember concerts? And festivals? I miss those.
28. What did you want and get?
Everything. I had an abundant year for which I am very fortunate and grateful.
Also, this beauty.
29. What did you want and not get?
Nothing that I can think of. Like I said, I have everything I need, and Iām very grateful.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The only one that really sticks out in my memory was Palm Springs (great movie though).
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Liam and I booked an airstream at Caravan Outpost in Ojai for the weekend, but it also just so happened to be on a weekend in August where it was 105+ degrees, so we didnāt get to do much. It was nice to get out of town though and we still had some delish meals, so all in all it was a good trip. I turned 32.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Iām tempted to say more travel/not being in lockdown, but I experienced a lot of personal growth because of lockdown, so thatās not really accurate. I really do wish Iād read more this year though.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?
This is what I wrote last year and itās still pretty accurate: still black, still borderline slutty, maybe a little more gothy. I also made a return to wearing jewelry with crosses this year - something I havenāt really done since 2013 - but now Iām investing in real jewelry rather than cheap Forever 21 jewelry that rusts and turns green after a few weeks.
34. What kept you sane?
Liam and the science of well-being (for example, practicing gratitude, random acts of kindness, meditation, journaling, savoring, etc.).
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you want the most?
No one. I am very satisfied by my fiancƩ (SWOON).
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Black Lives Matter. Even more than the election actually, but I made a conscious choice to avoid election news this year. Didnāt need that anxiety in my life.
37. Who did you miss?
Itās temping to say my friends and Liam while he was in Dublin for 5 weeks, but I feel like I actually talked MORE to people this year because of quarantine. And Liam and I talked almost constantly while he was gone, so while I did miss him physically, it never felt like we were that far apart.
38. Who are cool new people you met?
Lol, remember ānewā people? When we could look at the full faces of strangers and not worry about social distancing/being 6 ft. apart at all times? That was cool.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020?
Manifestation is real. If you want something, speak it into existence.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
She move with the machine
Play the game to change it
This is how it is to be
This is what I'm made with
This is love
Love love love love
- Petit Biscuit - Problems